How do you like the beginning to my story?

Vera played with the red and gold tassels on the placemat as she listened to Max Bolander blather about his numerous touchdowns. She murmured an appreciative noise here and there and plastered a smile on her face.

Why did I let Stella convince me into going on a date with him? Vera thought exasperatedly. I'm going to absolutely kill her when I see her again.

The teenage Chinese waitress brought them their food. "Enjoy," she said, smiling flirtatiously at Max.

You can have him, Vera thought bitterly. Enjoy!

Max continued to jabber about his great talent in football, to Vera's disappointment. She watched the flecks of food fly out like little missiles from his mouth.

The waitress came by minutes later. "Do you guys want dessert?" she asked.

"Oh, no, thank you," Vera said.

"No, that spicy chicken sure filled me up!" Max said. The waitress smiled indulgently at him.

"Well, in that case, here's your bill and some fortune cookies."

Max smashed his fortune cookie with the eagerness of a child on Christmas morning. He guffawed. "Mine is so true! It says I am an intelligent person at heart but I really have to let it shine."

Vera opened hers. On it was written, in extremely small print, "You are in grave danger. Leave the city and never return."

Vera almost burst out laughing. She shot a glance at the waitress, who was giggling at something the ginger-haired delivery boy had said. So that was the waitress's ploy to get rid of her.

Max had made no move to pay the bill, so, Vera, with a mental sigh, opened her purse and lay 30 dollars upon the table. "Your tip is included in the change," Vera told the waitress, who had, with the sight of money, beelined to the table.

Vera put on her bright yellow raincoat. "Bye, Max."

"Bye, Vera." Max's eyes were glued to the waitress's sauntering hips as she took their plates to the counter.

Vera briskly walked down the street. It was pouring like mad from the sky above, and she tightened the drawstrings on her hood.

She felt like someone was watching her, and she glanced behind her. A man in a trench coat was walking slowly behind her, about 6 yards away, puffing on a cigarette. Greasy auburn hair shielded his face from view. Instinctively, Vera began walking faster. So did he.

She kept walking, and he kept following her. She ducked into a bookstore and half-jogged to the back shelf. The bell on the door tinkled as someone opened the door behind her. From behind a shelf, she sneaked a peek. It was the man.

Her blood turned to liquid fear. She walked into the women's bathroom almost casually and locked the door.How do you like the beginning to my story?
its nice, you should take it a bit slower though. like when i was reading, the scenes kinda shifted fast, when i was just feeling the setting, it changed to another. i like the humor in it, lol, makes you at one with the main character. this is a very nice story if you want it to be a short story, if you want to write book, or something longer, you should take it slower, put some more time in between the cookies and the mysterious man, so that it seems more simultaneous. Overall, great story, wondering what'll happen next!!!!!:)How do you like the beginning to my story?
I like to write books, and I read alot too, and this book is or that wud be my favorite if it were published! I love it, it sounds unique and not exactly like 1 book u read, and it's interesting and it sucks you in, now I want to read the whole thing! ur rlly good at writing! keep it up!!How do you like the beginning to my story?
Its a very nice idea . I like it very much .
Must indent everytime someone new (meaning like this

"Ello Matt." I said.

"Hey Daemon, you going to go see that new movie?" Matt said.

"I don't know yet." I said.)



Also I got sucked in the book, if you want alot of people to see it go to booksie.com ( NO I AM NOT ADVERTISING JUST SAYING! ) and make a account, publish your book, the book may be a huge sucsess!